Working from Home: Is the Grass Always Greener?
And the actions I take to stay sane.
I've worked for myself, mainly by myself, for about fifteen years. Most days, I am filled with immense gratitude for this world I ended up in. It's given me the wildest opportunities I couldn't even dream of: incredible trips, fun PR packages filled with the latest in beauty, fabulous events at the coolest spots- whatever that even means. It's certainly not what matters, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been fun. Often, I sit back and think: "Holy shit. Did I manifest all of this?" and to give myself the credit I don't usually give, I genuinely believe I have.
While I do not take anything for granted, the biggest gift, by far, has been being able to work for myself while (mostly) being home while we raise our kids. On most days, I'm able to adjust my schedule according to theirs, and that's something I'm constantly thanking the universe for.
On the flip side, it's a work-life that can feel very isolating and lonely. It's something I've always struggled with and continue to struggle with, especially as someone who enjoys being around people in not necessarily small but more like medium doses- if even as an observer. There are days when I wish I had colleagues or work friends to bounce ideas off. Often, I'll sit there in my head and feel like I'm going crazy. Or I'll get completely stuck in a (creative) rut. Some days, it's simply the need to be around the humans who are different from my immediate family. Adore them more than life, but being around others is essential for everyone involved.
I have a few people I work with, mainly virtually, but it's not the same as having that in-person dynamic. When my friends who still work in a more traditional setting tell me that they're in the office 2-3 days a week, I cannot help but think, "Now that is the perfect balance." Being in the office five days, especially if you're raising small children, is a lot, but 2-3 days feels somewhat doable? However, I certainly realize that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I know from years of experience that if I'm not disciplined or honest with myself about what I need, I can feel isolated or stuck in a rut quite quickly. I also know that I require pep-talks (with myself) where I have to remind myself, and take the proper steps, to snap out of it.
For example, two weeks ago, I had breakfast plans with one of my girlfriends in Soho. As I got up in the morning, my kids were home for a school break, and part of me felt like cancelling for absolutely no good reason. I was cozy (lazy) and didn't really feel like going through the motions of getting dressed and getting there. I felt a little cranky, a bit blah - something that can happen quite often, when you're mostly at home. That's when my internal pep talk comes into play. I reminded myself that I'd feel so much better after this breakfast. My cup would be full, my creativity would be sparked, and I'd feel that human connection that is essential to all of us. I'd also get to look at many great outfits, especially with the weather warming up. I didn't cancel and ended up leaving this breakfast rejuvenated, as I knew I would.
As human beings, we are meant to have human connections. Time and time again, it has been proven how fundamental they are for our overall well-being
What Keeps Me Sane:
Here's what I've learned as someone who has been in a non-traditional job, typically working alone, for many years.
At least once a week, I change up the routine. I've come to LOVE my routine, but if I do the same thing every day, I can get quite unhappy. As a creative person (and I’ve learned that we’re ALL creative in our own way), I've recognized that occasionally, I need to spice life up. I wish I were able to hop on a plane and travel to inspiring destinations on a regular basis, but in this phase of my life, it's not realistic. Thankfully, just spending a few hours outside of my house, walking around, looking at the fashion in the streets and stores, just generally being around (if even at a distance) humans, always makes me feel good.
If I'm able to see a friend during this routine change-up, even better! If not, then I try my best to schedule some real, child-free, human-to-human time as often as possible. It doesn't have to be a 3-hour dinner, but even getting a cup of coffee or a walk. If this can happen at least once a week, I'm thrilled.
I know that many people who work from home will say "get dressed every single day," but I've realized that that approach is not for me. What I mean by that is that I'll do my skincare and put on some sort of clothes, but I'm not getting dressed daily. I like having a few casual days, but then the other days have to be balanced with getting a wee bit more dolled up.
Movement daily. While this feels utterly cliche to even mention, this is one of the most, if not the most, crucial things. My motto has become "something is better than nothing." A 20-minute walk or a YouTube workout is better than nothing. A ten-minute arm workout is better than nothing. Anything is better than nothing. If I don't move my body, it has a serious effect on my mental health.
Walking. To reiterate what I said above, walking has been my lifeline. If I'm feeling stuck-in-a-rut, tired, PMSy, sad, anxious- walking helps me process everything. It's rare I don't come back from a walk feeling a little better.
To really emphasize this: Prioritizing walks has been the biggest game-changer for me. I listen to a podcast or music, and it just allows my brain to wander creatively.
Changing up the location, not to be confused with changing up the routine. Changing up the routine means that I refrain from doing the same thing every single day. Changing up the location means that I'll continue with my routine, but in a setting that's different than my dining room table. Often, I'll head to a local coffee shop with noise-cancelling headphones. I still feel the buzz of people, but the noise is drowned out, and I'm able to actually focus. Most of us know how challenging working from home can be with the million distractions. This is obvious, but it helps so much. As a matter of fact, I'm finishing this post from a coffee shop. I'm focused and zoned in.
Again, noise-cancelling headphones are another must for me, especially as it pertains to the above. I love these.
Having a book in the rotation. I’ve come to recognize how much more satisfied I am when reading a book. Ideally, I’m reading two at a time: a self-help type of book and then a fun fictional read. I’m currently reading The Artist’s Way and I highly recommend it!
Is the grass always greener on the other side? Probably not, but it’s a lesson I’m still learning each day. It’s one that I can easily spit out to my children, while simultaneously practicing it myself.
In case you’ve missed any of the below:
I’ve struggled against creating routines my whole life but have recently embraced and am thriving! And yes, agree to the self pep talks and introducing novelty within the routine to keep it fresh. Just finished rereading Essentialism - a good reminder to focus on what’s important and cut the rest.
Walking has been therapeutic for me. I work from home 4 days out of 5 and it’s a must. Love reading your substacks!