The Pants That No Longer Fit.

About a week ago, someone sent me a DM with the above photo with the message "Six years ago today." It was dated September 13, 2018. I was speaking on a Bloomingdale's panel about fall fashion trends alongside Nikki Ogunnaike, who now happens to be the editor-in-chief of Marie Claire. It was a proud moment in my career. I didn't fully appreciate it then, but looking back at slightly younger Helena, I cannot help but think, "Look at you! you should be proud!" 

Except, a minute after that, my thoughts went to a place I knew they shouldn't be going. I focused on my outfit, an ALC two-piece suit. One I assumed (knew) would no longer fit, going against every closet rule I make for myself and for others. Every time I've thought about putting the suit on, I've stopped myself. 

When that photo popped into my DMs, I stared at it, allowing it to transport me back six years earlier. Not that long ago, but long enough. I did what any slightly crazy person would do (and what I've been avoiding for the last few years); I went into my closet and tried on the suit. 

And as I suspected, it no longer fit.

The truth is, it wasn't necessarily about the size of the suit but what it represented. One child rather than two; being in my 30s rather than my 40s, and a slightly different (BC = Before Covid) world, city, and industry. 

So much has changed, and it represented a past life in more ways than one.

To continue down the path of self-destruction, I also happened to analyze my jaw in that photo, and my thoughts went along the lines of: "Um.. did I appreciate this slightly firmer, more "snatched" jawline back then?" The answer is an obvious no because hindsight is 20/20. 

There is good news. Back then, 30-something-year-old Helena would have let that too-small suit ruin the day, perhaps even the week. Now, I let the suit and everything it represented bum me out for a few minutes, but after a quick pity party, I let it go. 

I focused on all the good. I'm way stronger than I was back then. Over the last few years, I have started incorporating more weights than ever, and I feel great (on most days). They say that with age comes wisdom and man; isn't that the truth?

It's a never-ending road of evolving, growing, and learning from our past. Some days are better than others, but I've realized that there's so much more to life than the pants that used to fit. 

At least the jacket still fits. Snug, but it fits. I’ll take that as a win.